booandbunny

Yup. Grey. Not blue … blue is too beautiful too me. But I wander and meander when I’m grey, so my apologies to Theodore (and Johnson and Fanch) as I borrow this work because I want to be yellow

or orange

or pink

I sat and listened intently to the weary voice on the other end of my phone as he told me how the two companies (each of which has millions and millions) went back and forth over a couple of thousand bucks until they found a middle ground, which I was six feet under. No more need for that service. Oh the work was great. It was a numbers game. Call this guy and see what work he can get for you.

I went through the colors, which is something I have to do it seems. Though as I’ve explored myself more, catalogued my strengths and corralled my weaknesses, I’ve learned to move through these mists a bit more quickly.

Shock

Anger

Isolation

I look at their faces and know quitting fulltime work was absolutely the most best thing (as they might say) I could have done. I talk with a friend, a fellow SAHM, who points out that even if she got a fulltime job all it would pay for is daycare, not even. And let’s all be honest here, those daycare workers DO NOT get paid enough. But who can afford to pay them more? I think of single moms and what they must feel and wonder: “What, exactly, am I whining about?”

He was gone for eight days. Gone to the wilderness and I couldn’t even talk to him on the phone and I really thought about all that he is to me and all that we are together and all that we could be if I could stop thinking

and wondering “What can I do to get out of this debt?” And, after rewatching a classic for the first time in a long time I thought about another color,

but not in the way you would think. I thought about lying there,

all brown and purple and grey, waiting for tomorrow and then putting it all off again. What is it about some of us that we just lay there and wait? What is it that makes the hoppers hop up and go at it when the ploppers just plop? Can you go from being a plopper to being a hopper? Has it been done?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” I’ve been a plopper and now I want to hop up. I’ve hopped up and felt how it feels and I know I’m stronger when I take control than when I wallow. And for the first time I smiled at the end of this old, old movie.

“After all, tomorrow is another day.” http://fan.geekish.net/gwtw

And maybe tomorrow I’ll be blue again.

// posted by HoBess @ 7/11/2006 05:22:00 PM