booandbunny

I was so young when I found Hubby, so fortunate that ours has been a connection unbroken for so long. Sometimes I trivialize the losses I felt before him, though those magnified emotions of adolescence certainly shaped the girl he met half our lifetime ago.

I had thought of writing a letter to my daughter for this prompt, what I might say to her someday when love is lost. For, it seems to me, first love and true love are two separate beasts. But first love and first loss are intrinsically linked.

When I was 12 Mike E. kissed me there at the skating rink … me with my skates off and him with his skates on so we’d be the same height. Well, when I was 12 that felt like love. And when he kissed someone else I felt lost … loss … both, really.

When I was 16 and Mike P. gave me his class ring it felt like a promise. It felt like love. When I realized what I felt was far more than what he felt I had to give the ring back. I felt lost … loss … both really.

When I was 17 and spent my summer pining for Jason—one on a long list of guys who saw me only as a friend—it felt like love, the worst kind really, unrequited love. Again the loss. Then when I was 18 I left for college and there he was, my husband, her dad.

So what could I tell my daughter about first love? What could I say to ease her pain when her love kisses someone else, or doesn’t feel what she does, or confides in her about another, never once thinking to lean over and kiss her?

Perhaps I should say: “These are lessons in love. First love is still out there, waiting for you.”

First love is when your beloved is your best friend. It’s when your beloved confides in you ... then leans over for that kiss. First love is your beloved's never kissing someone else. First love is reciprocated. And yes, even this can be lost. Lucky for me, first love stuck.

// posted by HoBess @ 5/27/2006 11:02:00 AM